One of the things that kept me on the poison was the fear that things would change without alcohol. That things wouldn’t be as good, that I wouldn’t be as good, that life would be dull. I even worried that mates might not like me anymore. Well I was right. Things did change and this is what happened…..
I was worried I’d be dull…..
Nope. I’m still completely myself and still have a right laugh. I now have way more energy so if anything I’m more fun (at least I think so). I also now don’t rely on drink to pick me up so when I have a good time its 100% real and not faux fun because I’ve downed 10 cans of lager.
I was worried my friendships would change…..
They have. Some friends I realised I had because they loved getting pissed as much as I did. Basically drinking buddies and they’ve fallen away. However my other friendships have got even better. I listen more, remember what was said and have genuine connection. Not connecting through a pint of woo woo.
I was worried the relationship with my husband would change…..
It did, it’s got even better. No more stupid drunken comments or arguments, no more moody hangovers no more time wasted with no energy. Also, now I look back and think about it, if me not drinking affected our relationship that much, there may have been something wrong there anyway.
I was worried that parties/events would be terrible…..
Nope! In the past year I’ve done holidays, birthdays, BBQ’s, parties, Christmas, NYE even a sober christening (in Wales they’re massive drinking days) and they’ve all been amazing. Course I was nervous about each one but each one has taught me that I no longer need alcohol to enjoy myself.
I was worried that a part of who I was would dissapear…..
Well yes a part of me has gone and bloody disappeared. The part of me that had a drink problem. Thankfully, that part of me has been been banished to the bog of eternal stench never to return. Tara alcohol. You have been permanently excluded.
I could go on and on but what I’m ultimately saying is that it’s my worries that kept me drinking. These worries that are completely valid and still make sense to me. We live in a society where alcohol is not just socially accepted it’s socially expected so of course we have massive concerns about our social and private lives.
But I’ve learnt that these worries are complete bullshit. I’ve had an amazing year and all the things I thought would get worse have got better. So now I face other things I’ve always worried about or had concerns with and turns out it’s the same with them. Alcohol gives you back your real inner confidence to do this.
Alcohol had such a hold on me and my mental health and it impacted me in ways I never realised.
Well not anymore.
Good riddance alcohol you jumped up little tit wank. And watch your back, as I’m coming for you (does evil cackle and swishes cape)