So, you know the massive heap of llama shit excuses and reasons you tell yourself to keep on drinking? Well a few of my biggest ones were that alcohol made me connect with my friends more. That it made me more myself and able to say what I really wanted to say. But oh babes…..it did the absolute opposite.
Drinking alcohol, as we know, changes us. I was a really happy drunk, I had my moments of being an evil eyed twat of course but mainly I just wanted to party (even if that was a party for one, in my lounge). However, that drunk person was not really me. So how did I think it helped me connect with people?
Granted, that other person was probably 3 sheets to the wind also but that’s even worse. 2 humans, not being their real selves, thinking they’re having a deep connection. It’s fucking nuts when you think about it. And would I remember these “amazing” convos? Would I buffalo. I would often not remember leaving, never mind the drunken waffle.
Also, does alcohol make you more articulate? Course is shitting doesn’t. It would make me slur. It would make me say the wrong words. It would make me forget what I’d just said so then say it another 10 times in as many minutes. To connect with new and old friends being articulate is pretty essential.
Since stopping drinking I have realised it wasn’t about the connection. It was about the alcohol. It was about the numbing out. It was about the feeling that the person with me was drinking too therefore it was fine. I’ve actually said some really shit things to and about people when pie eyed so again, how the holy fandango can that be connection?
If you see a pissed person whilst sober do you think “oh I simply must sit down with that fascinating individual and have a great chat”. No. You think “oh god, please don’t let that overbearing, sweaty mess with breath like a ferrets arse come near me”. I actually now swerve drunk people like I’m in the matrix.
But is this our fault? No. Look at any alcohol advertising. You’ll see good looking, happy friends bathing in evening sun and “making memories”. You won’t see someone hiding their underwear in a pub as they did a tequila shot and a fart turned into a solid instead of a gas (overshare? Oh well). From young we are told that alcohol means connection.
Well you know what alcohol. I’ve seen through your lies you dilapidating little shit. I thought I was a fascinating, hilarious cad whilst drunk but I was actually half the man I am now. Now I do have proper connections with people. Not as many people but they are true and real and deeper than before. And I try my best to be 100% me at all times.
The big question. How will I socialise without alcohol? Well maybe you won’t for a bit. Maybe you’ll be more selective who you spend your time with. Maybe you’ll realise that some buddies were just drinking buddies. Maybe you’ll just have to see what works for you socially and what doesn’t. But you will definitely get to know yourself better.