The statistics of drinking alcohol…

When you stop drinking 100% of people stop getting hangovers that take up time, emotions and days off your life

When you stop drinking 100% of people start remembering how they got home and no longer have to check their bank details to see where they ended up.

When you stop drinking 100% of people stop having breath like a squirrel and all its family have done their daily shits in their mouth.

When you stop drinking 100% of people start discovering what real confidence is (timings may vary).

When you stop drinking 100% of people stop staying up till 2 in the morning convincing themselves they really want to watch yet anyone episode of Real Housewives Of Any Fucking City, and realise they were just staying up to drink more (this may be just 100% me).

When you stop drinking 100% of people stop rushing any activity after about 6 so they can sit down and “relax” by drinking poison.

When you stop drinking 100% of people stop feeling ashamed that they are addicted to an additive drug and start dealing with why they were actually drinking (again, times may vary).

When you stop drinking 100% of people start realising that alcohol had more of a hold on their life than they ever realised.

These statistics have been plucked from my arse. Please do not quote them as facts as I’m sure you were about to. HOWEVER, for me they are all 100% true.

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