So, you know the massive heap of llama shit excuses and reasons you tell yourself to keep on drinking? Well a few of my biggest ones were that alcohol made me connect with my friends more. That it made me more myself and able to say what I really wanted to say. But oh babes… did the absolute opposite. 

Drinking alcohol, as we know, changes us. I was a really happy drunk, I had my moments of being an evil eyed twat of course but mainly I just wanted to party (even if that was a party for one, in my lounge). However, that drunk person was not really me. So how did I think it helped me connect with people?

Granted, that other person was probably 3 sheets to the wind also but that’s even worse. 2 humans, not being their real selves, thinking they’re having a deep connection. It’s fucking nuts when you think about it. And would I remember these “amazing” convos? Would I buffalo. I would often not remember leaving, never mind the drunken waffle.

Also, does alcohol make you more articulate? Course is shitting doesn’t. It would make me slur. It would make me say the wrong words. It would make me forget what I’d just said so then say it another 10 times in as many minutes. To connect with new and old friends being articulate is pretty essential. 

Since stopping drinking I have realised it wasn’t about the connection. It was about the alcohol. It was about the numbing out. It was about the feeling that the person with me was drinking too therefore it was fine. I’ve actually said some really shit things to and about people when pie eyed so again, how the holy fandango can that be connection?

If you see a pissed person whilst sober do you think “oh I simply must sit down with that fascinating individual and have a great chat”. No. You think “oh god, please don’t let that overbearing, sweaty mess with breath like a ferrets arse come near me”. I actually now swerve drunk people like I’m in the matrix.

But is this our fault? No. Look at any alcohol advertising. You’ll see good looking, happy friends bathing in evening sun and “making memories”. You won’t see someone hiding their underwear in a pub as they did a tequila shot and a fart turned into a solid instead of a gas (overshare? Oh well). From young we are told that alcohol means connection.

Well you know what alcohol. I’ve seen through your lies you dilapidating little shit. I thought I was a fascinating, hilarious cad whilst drunk but I was actually half the man I am now. Now I do have proper connections with people. Not as many people but they are true and real and deeper than before. And I try my best to be 100% me at all times.

The big question. How will I socialise without alcohol? Well maybe you won’t for a bit. Maybe you’ll be more selective who you spend your time with. Maybe you’ll realise that some buddies were just drinking buddies. Maybe you’ll just have to see what works for you socially and what doesn’t. But you will definitely get to know yourself better.


  1. Rachel

    So true. Love reading your posts and I love how well you put it out there – alcohol stinks! Keep it up – better than Instagram!

    • The Gay Sober

      Cheers Rachel, I really appreciate that. Yep it really does stink! Yes I agree, the blog is way better. I don’t really fancy another addiction!!!! ie Insta!!!!!

  2. Rachael Cowden

    I can definitely relate to this tonight.

    I was invited, as a plus one, to a house party for a 50th birthday. It was a pop up cash bar but knowing that there would only be diet coke on offer, I prepared by supplying my own AF drinks.

    Many people offered me a drink, to which I replied each time “no thanks, I’m good”! To their horror, each time they discovered that I was drinking alcohol-free drinks. “Just have one” an incredibly drunk man said as he thrust a disgusting smelly jager bomb at me. I politely declined and his wife downed it – but also confided in me that she felt very unsteady. I really felt for her as so many times, I’ve given in to peer pressure and been that person feeling like shit.

    Another hammered guest asked if “I had a problem”. Really, it is best not to enter into that conversation with someone that is pissed as a fart and convinced that YOU are the sad one!

    Shockingly, my friend’s husband confided in me that he had “utter admiration” for me in being able to do a party sober. I replied that it really saddened me that people thought that they needed alcohol to socialise. However, when you are a sober person, socialising with drunk people is impossible. I love to talk and listen but there are only so many times you can hear the same shit come out of pissed up gobs. I love to dance but there are only so many times you can dance to the same sodding song because Sangria Sandra is playing the same shit on a loop of five. I love to have a laugh but it really isn’t funny to watch a 16 year old girl get wasted and older men allow her to wrap herself around them. Finally, I’m a former nurse but I’ve no desire to be wrapping up a sprained ankle caused by a drunken fall.

    I made my exit, came back, got my pjs on, made a cuppa and felt so at peace. I can’t wait to wake up fresh, go for a run, chill out with a hot chocolate and a film and not feel anxiety, nausea and a pounding head.

    Alcohol 0. Rachael Priceless.

    • The Gay Sober

      Yes, all you’ve said is so true (especially about Sangria Sandra). It can just be so bloody boring can’t it. You are gonna have the best Sunday now and can also wallow in the smugness of yet another weekend off the poison. Really lovely to hear from you Rachael xx

      • Rachael Cowden

        I love your posts so much because I absolutely relate to everything. Thank you for replying. Have a wonderful weekend. I’ll be spending mine working but I have a few days off next week. Going to make Jack Monroe’s alcohol-free mulled hot fruit drink and put up the tree. My second sober Festive Season and it is beautiful xx

        • The Gay Sober

          My second one too. I was nervous last year but this year I can’t wait!!!! I shiver to think I actually spent most of December hungover.

  3. Ginger

    Thanks, I actually like your blog and your honesty. Once you see it mirrored the whole scenario becomes much clearer, that is you finally see how dilusive all this is. I was surrounded by it for years only to find out how difficult it was to cope with it and not be sucked into it.


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