The longer I’m sober and the more people I speak to who drink or have stopped drinking I realise that so many of us drink to numb the voice. The inner critic. The self saboteur. Mouthy Malcolm who keeps banging on and making you overthink EVERYTHING.
So without realising I started to depend on the drug alcohol to quieten the voice. I thought it made me ‘live in the now’ and ‘speak my truth’ and helped me really know what I thought about a situation (alcohol also made me think I could salsa dance with a professional in London…I couldn’t….I fell on her).
But like an Alanis Morrissete song (don’t you think) it was the alcohol that was creating the voice. Actually… not creating it but making it was worse. For an overactive, sensitive, people pleasing brain to be hungover is not good. It was so easy to take one detail in my life and create a 22 act drama out of it.
But when I stopped drinking the voice went quieter, not straight away and certainly not silent. All those insecurities and worries and overthinking thoughts are still there but now I tackle them. I talk about them. Hells bells…sometimes I even resolve them and chuck them in my delete pile.
I suppose what I’m saying is that I drank to get peace but it actually created a war. The good news is I won the battle and realised that alcohol was the problem, not my life. Don’t get me wrong….I still have insecurities and worries and self doubt but now I try and sort them out not soak them in ethanol.