Holy fuck flaps……I don’t know what was going on yesterday but my emotions were up and down like a gigolo’s jockstrap. Honestly, it reminded me of when I was a teenager and had no control over what was going on inside. I was changing mood like a bloody mood ring and each emotion that popped up was full throttle!
Emotions felt in the time I was awake-
1. Unbelievable joy and happiness (grateful that I was up to see the sunrise and out on a dog walk with my furry child).
2. Excitement (couldn’t wait to meet my mate and go for breakfast).
3. Disappointment (found out a friend has been a tit)
4. Happiness (booked a flight for a family holiday).
5. Anxiety (was on my way to see my Nan in a home).
6. Sadness (my Nan was fine but I felt devastated that she was in a home).
7. Anger (don’t know why).
8. Love (when I got home my husband had made me amazing food ).
9. Empty (I couldn’t shake the feeling that something really bad had happened).
10. Grateful (spoke to my BFF and she talked me around).
I’m 6 months sober and really hoping someone can tell me this is normal! I’m someone who is usually pretty steady. Don’t get me wrong, I can be happy one second then crying at an advert where a dog puts it’s head on the side the next….but….I can always laugh it off. My sense of humour can usually get me through. Not yesterday.
I’m starting to wonder just how fucking numb have I been for the last 20+ years? Would I usually have been battling a hangover so not noticed all these emotions? Was I feeling them but blaming the drink? Or probably, I would have just had a drink and felt better. I suppose the infamous pink cloud has done one has it? Will it be back?
I know with mindfulness you acknowledge the emotion, keep calm and sit with it. Well fuck me sideways, yesterday that was not possible. I felt like I was in a horror movie, possessed and being thrown around the room by a demon!!!!! So yeah, I’m guessing this is real life is it guys? Seatbelt on. This shit just got bumpy (what a horrible image).