5 things I no longer need now I’m sober..

  1. To constantly make sure I have chewing gum on me. This was for the morning after. I was  paranoid that my breath would be reeking of stale lager (which it probably did), I covered it up with a minty tab. Oh how lovely. Stale booze and mint smell.
  2. To always have a bottle of eye brightener upon my person. This was my cunning way of disguising the fact I looked like a red eyed Voldermort coming toward you. Yes, I may have been out with you the night before buy hey, I’m perky.
  3. To wake up in a panic. I may still wake up and think “Is it today the Spice Girls tickets go on sale?”. But I don’t lie there, piecing the previous night together, convincing myself that during the blackout I wouldn’t have said anything I regret. I’m a good person yes?????
  4. To make sure I have a drink in my fridge for when I get home from a night out, or an evening over my mates house. I’d have a couple (at least 3 so that’s a few yeah) before leaving, a shed load whilst out and then of course I’d need a few on my own (my partner would go to bed or be in bed) to unwind. To fucking unwind???? Ummmmm okay hun.
  5. Check my bank the next morning to see the damage. I’d spend enough on my own drinks but also loved a good old “This ones on me”. I’m a generous person but when I was drunk I became Bob Geldof (I have nicer hair). Also I’d be checking where I’d been. Yep! I’d use my Visa transactions as my “night before map”. Memorable night then?

I could go on and on and on and on……………….

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